Kelty ^.^

After end my fight in final project last friday….weird..I no felt happi…juz relief….ThankQ God & all my friends…always give me food energy ^^….So lucky am i…

Now….Start 2day…new adventure coming soon…..I going to graduate as degree student of computer science….wah..can i survive outside there??? survive in IT working world……

Now I am taking IBM course….Hope can improve or add more skills in IT field so that i can survive…

Recently…really ‘pokai’= no money…..ptptn loan ady finish….now lucky dad support :P…but I must stop use his money…….hope I can get hired by ppl in july…

New adventure aso include my 25 years old mission….keep fit..slim…hehe…hav career…buy a car….Hope the mission will complete at 25…

Lastly…Tq all my UKM friend….gonna miss u guy gal…keep in touch ya ^^

12 March 2009

After my brother pass away because of accident. In deep my heart, I always miss him but I no show out. I pretend normal. I don’t know when I start fear & sensitive to word “die” and all about funeral & pass away. I accept my brother pass away but maybe I hide too long my felt…Last week and this week I keep dream my brother as long no dream him since last 2 month. Plus I receive an email that let me think back sad stuff…haiz..Anything can take as funny matter but not dead matter…Please DONT….

And today had thunder rain for few minute..If last time, I no fear of dead & thunder..but don’t know why that moment I very scare…haha..scare of dead & thunder…I scare dead & thunder maybe I promise myself must live longer than my parents. I don’t want they sad like they lost of my brother…It like disaster!! I believe everything happen for reasons. But theory is theory..sometime hard to apply…

I should concentrate on my final project….but I keep delay & give a lot excuse to myself. I try ‘fight” with myself. Lucky there a group of my friends indirectly help me in the “fight”..THankQ all…Finally…my strong & rasional win..yeah ^^…but my hardworking side win half..haha..Conclusion, it really hard to “fight” with myself..but try my best..Try out of my fear…I think I should join Fear Factor….haha…Oh no..time run very fast liao…I think it enough!! enough!! bye my weak & mad…

15 February 2009

12 February 2009…I and my friend go IT Fair at DG,UKM…suddenly we stop by a guy which was an agent for saving plan (ETIQA Takaful)….we actually refuse to hear…but then we decide hear only…(Actually long time ago, I already want make a saving account…but no time to think it)…Maybe because of that after I heard the guy explain the plan….I decide make the account without make survey….It is dangerous we make decision for new stuff that we not clear…and I also don’t know what question to ask.. simply say I no make survey first….

So weird…when buy insurance for my mum…I am the person very be careful check the details first be4 let my mum sign the policy…but for own policy/stuff I cincai (lazy think more)…I rush…I no think properly all aspect matter…. I no make survey first….I very careless for first time….

Another thing I want share…if an agent cant explain details and answer directly clearly….DONT believe her/him…DON’T believe people who talk with no point…..if blur must ask…if blur…don’t know what to do…make survey…ask people’s opinion. MORE opinion next analyst then only make decision…..And before sign a document or contract…make sure see all the details first…even already been explain….It is NOT good way to sign document/contract at public without see & understand the details in the document/contract carefully and discuss more about it….Take long time a bit to understand the details….Ask a lot question first….DONT think want fast!!Fast!!Fast!!!! A decision CHANGES our life….

Besides that, how we must make sure the plan suitable for us? Make survey first…After surveys only we clear what the plan and what we want…don’t rush make a decision!!! Don’t easily believe someone….like me so stupid and careless…I can’t immediately know what I want even basically I know the theory in making decision (my weakness)….

Now I regret and try my best find solution to solve this problem….Ask the agent send me all the details…..then think carefully to make next decision…..I try avoid make wrong decision…emotionally decision!!! I very pantang I make wrong decision in my life…

Because it will make me suffer…..

This lesson good for me, next time very remind myself don’t rush make decision and simply sign document /contract without see, understand the details, make survey and ask family opinion!!!!!!!!!!!

10 February 2009, Tuesday

People mind really difficult to predict…mind and heart think different…Recently my mind been control by emotion and evil heart….My heart keep say nobody care ur felt….mayb i ady keep my mind rasional so long…almost time i act different than my heart think…..mayb that made yesternite after receive again bad news…start my mind cant control my heart & emotion…like get mad….uncontrolable….

Like gunung berapi meletup….2day after face exam….relief abit then get down when lab assignment & final year project still pending…..haiz…that time my heart again control me….But lucky my mind still have abit rasional….i ask myself sleep….relax

After sleep..hav dinner….try do lab assignment….but cant make it…for first time i no submit my lab assignment….2day is due date….every1 aso duno how to do….everybody like run away….again my heart think control me…..

Until..someone that i thought i can throw my felt scold me why always think self no strong……..actually she aso got her problem….This made me noe wat felt my eldest sister every time i act like my frenz juz nw scold me….sorry…my sister…my close frenz…i will work hard do my best everyday…use heart think when it need….use mind think when it should….I so happy and sad abit when got people scold me….but later i will better….I noe cc no mean to scold me….ThankQ scold me….

Every1 hav problem to solve byself only…..but sometime need people remind…:P …..simple say care from people…..THis is people mind……. 

p/s: cc..u always my mind food….I will jiayou…Hope u too..keep in touch^^

       my roomate…TQ..always hear my say…..^^ jiayou….(dont think too  much wat i say in heart o mind)

      Other my friends (kuan..ling..ying…kelly…coon mei..jiali..xiao wei…jeff…Gimmy…keat swan….lin lan…ching2…shu fen….nic..jie..mong fei…susu..Go..jac…juin..xin ting…connie..see jie..joan….yun cheng..yong siang…philip..yongqing..kakdharma pool..piria…elly..yan…rye..imah…effa..uzy…chu..hairul..wan..mohamad…chong..wai chen..nasya..awa..mofir..rizal…i wee…kit shun…chin wae….lulu..wen..kim..tong..siofui..tze..mimi..chean hui..ceo..mama..& others indirectly help & care me….

ThankQ ^^

* My tear fall down when I read her blog…..

2day was 2^nd day and 2^nd  times I run away to face them…I remember last year…I run away from them too…I buat bodoh..like nothing happen…They aso like that…I believe was becoz we all appreciate our friendship….Last time my thought is like that:

If she/he was my close frenz…especially group with me…no help me when I need help…I will felt stress and start think….what mean of group??what mean of close frenz??

I thought close frenz will accept each other habit…Try to help each other if can….

Pass few days I think a lot,sad,stress..when they leave me last minutes…when all hav group…they no tell me early…(ya mayb they duno how to talk with me)…Last year,other frenz ask me not to group with them again to prevent any trouble happen that will break our friendship….

Ya..last year I was think like that…but later I scare they unhappy & thought me no frenz with them….Beside that, I also thought after half year no meet…will make them change their cincai habit(They act to do work last minutes…No so care..That why I act so serious because I care my work & I wan finish it earlier)…& understand why I act that way when doing stuff in group…So I believe them 4give me ady & accept me be their group member…

Recently…there happen a lot thing that I cant expected…cant control…I mengaku I dulu memang very bad gal…always stress for nothing…think negative…no very think what people felt…but after my loved people pass away suddenly without say anything…I more think a lot & realize I love family…I love friends…Other else are nothing valuable 4 me…Family& friends are valuable 4 me! I so peace& happy when I read her blog after elly tell me…I happy becoz eventually she voice out her felt…hey frenz if no voice out…how to noe what I done….even I can guess…but if frenz no say…I will keeping thinking….I realize I ady wrong…make them stress work with me…Is my problem too…They no group with me because our work way no same..they dun wan study stuff influence our friendship..So sorry… again…4give me my frenz ….

Actually in my heart..they still are my frenz…but I juz cant tahan see them like ignore me…(mayb I jealous see them so close) & no respon or no try to understand what happen between us….That why i run away from them….i scare been hurt by them becoz they are my close frenz since 1^st year..I dun wan our friendship end…forgive me my frenz…I no hate them….now I ady no sad abou it…i dun wan care past stuff…Important 4 me nw is family&frenz…so sorry..Hope our friendship will 4ever…

18 January 2009 (Sunday)

As I wake up, the sad/problem and sick yesterday still alive in my heart & mind…but I promise kuan b happy out with them… Today I out go career fair at mid valley with kuan,ling,ying,lee ting….I face at mirror ask me to be strong & 4got it…be happy out…concentrate survey company…must keep it in heart…but I fail do it…

Eventually, the stuff out from my mouth to their ears…Next, they advise me…I felt better like throw rubbish into dustbin…but I still felt sick (flu&fever)…Then…shit Bank Rakyat eat my RM50..nvm…then…I so happy can meet Selina at career fair :):) so happy…felt better….

Next..continue shopping then 6pm back UKM….Reach UKM ktm stesen…Kok Hong ady there…He so nice guy becoz he show the road to Vege food restautant quite far away from UKM…& we hav dinner 2gether..So happy again becoz Kuan,ying plan 5th day of CNY go Kluang…yen ling hse…That time I really 4got the problem….back kuan room..we 4 gal…chat again til 11pm…(Got say wan go my hse on 7Feb overnight…after go Dong Zen Temple if chew siang ok)

Around 12am…I receive dedication from my direct junior(Mien Shi) & Fo Guang junior(Kenny)…that moment i felt so happy..i felt what i done last time no wasted…ThankQ them…^^

Around 2am…chat with mei fong…She ask me why..wat happen..then my mind think back & sad back a while…I again throw all what inside my mind…into dustbin..Yeah..i success…^^ my heart no sad lo…I ady 4give them who hurt me…I noe how to do lo…(but i will not let ppl hurt me again)..nw more fresh to finish up all assignment &project be4 back home happy celebrate CNY…:)…my mind up 1 level thinking…face all with open mind & heart….dun let pass stuff or bad event that happened made me down..sad….lost myself…no peace…always think negative..sudden I miss my brother….he always on my heart…will come out when I need him :)…take a lesson & way that make me mature…hehe^^

“Forget about the things you don’t like about your life — focus on the hopes and dreams you have for the future. The more you think about your problems or worries, the more power you are giving them over your life. So today, put a smile on your face and be confident about where you are headed. And if you can’t feel confident, then just fake it until you do! If you can convince yourself of your value, then other people will be convinced of it, too”

2day is 1st day i am 23 years old live in this world..ThankQ Buddha…Pass few week…no no pass few month…I tired b human…I felt after I work hard be good human but last with nothing…until 2day I only realize and felt lucky have alot frenz&family that care me…

My roommate(ai choo),lin lan,keat suan& ching2 give me a surprise…J celebrate my birthday at 12am….so tHankQ them… so happy & touch…^^

Last 7 Jan..i aso shock happy..when wai kuan(my ex-roomate),ling2,ying2& chew siang with kok hong help buy cake…thx..so happy can celebrate with them…they so understand me need wat…thankQ u all gift(pendrive 4GB)….so touch ^^

Last 11 Jan..my young sister buy cheese cake celebrate with all my cute2 baby..(my sisters children)..:) so lucky am i…

2day, also thankQ mei fong,jun sean..huey ying& shufen change date celebrate with me and give me cute gift :)…(doremon tapoway& shu fen give set of cute mug) but actually I got abit sad becoz  arou 1pm be4 go out with mei fong…heard xiao wei say her frenz(old gan bu Fo Guang) pass away…I felt sad too…sudden I felt I so lucky I still alive gather with all my family&frenz…J Thank elly&yan(cute banana),awa,nasya & other give me gifts & frenz who msg greet me…so touch…all lot..^^ happy cry..

14 Jan..nite..so happy chat with jun jiet who study at other country…He help me a lot…Make me happy & give me opinion on my final year project..:)

15 Jan….was coursemate gathering (19ppl (18ppl TK + 1ppl TC) without King Wai,Au,Chong,Ong& Wey Yau)…so happy…we have dinner at Look Out Point…There really nice & beautiful place…so funny we sesat but still so happi even sesat…haha…then next go sing KTV at Neway til 4am..haha..so mad play..enjoy…drink alcohol(5%)…so happy even I less sing that nite…^^ ..1^st time late night with coursemate…

17 Jan…..Happy time always Go/Run/Fly very fast…2day, I face body pain..flu&fever… simple say sick la….& face final year project..other assignment & project…more sick becoz mentally aso sick when sudden felt no one can help me…2day so sad after I receive a frenz msg…They leave me alone last minutes…So Sad..& I start think it is my problem??…It is me not a good frenz??? They can betrayal me!!!! I cant attend a class then duno abou the project…They can leave me alone….Mayb they think dun wan 1 grp with me to prevent any study stuff that make we unhappy again(cant be frenz)…but why…they can leave me when I trust them!!???Saya anggap mereka kawan..tapi mereka anggap saya ialah apa??? I duno how to face them in future….There a lot problem between us…I no angry them..juz felt sad…It is me so bad?? haiz…Mayb this was a lesson 4 me not too trust a frenz that hurt u be4….make me mature…be happy is choice not a chance….Hope Buddha can show me the way…out from evil..negative thinking…:-) And Bless all my frenz…especially Kelly,xiao wei,yan,elly,wai kuan,ai choo,mei fong,shu fen,ling2,ying2…& all my family…

19 Jan ThankQ Ain ur “delicious cake” so cute can see cant eat…^^

21 Jan ThankQ Wai Chen…ur gift…cute chicken,unik key& i love choco May all Hapi Chinese New Year!!^^

Scare…pass few week..busy work part time..no time think scare..but in my mind actually very scare….scare as I sleep during the operation..then I cant wake up..huhu..why I thought like that?? Mayb recently my 1^st sister got dream twice my brother who ady at another world…He request family photo & money…hehe….Me aso got dream him…He ask me take curry rice(nasi lemak) 4 him….I felt worry he still stay this world becoz he lonely…wan ppl follow him “go”… Haiz..haha I duno why had that thinking…“my brother wan me follow him “go”…”)..mayb I tired saw my love ppl one by one leave me..

I felt this world no safe…so scaring duno tmrw will happen wat…:(

This “worry” felt become ok when had gathering with secondary frenz on 21 dec..very happy & felt tht “hope to fight my evil/negative think”…meet so long no meet old frenz..chean hui…so nice (siofui,kim,tong,tze&mimi)…they juz so gd & nice..make me gd….far away (chuew wen) aso encourage me…my ex-roomate,kuan..my roommate,ai choo…kajai frenz(ling,Kelly,ying,coon mei,elly)…Fo guang frenz (mei fong,shufen,xiao wei & other) aso…coursemate(susu,rye,..other)….online frenz..(jeff)..my family…all together ask me dun give up myself!! 23dec..midnite..i hungry..& cant sleep..mayb nervous..mayb becoz..sleep at my 2nd sister hse..cant biasa her bed…juz sleep 2hour..

Be4 enter operation room…I so bored waiting…sleepy(becoz no enough sleep..)..pain(when Dr Gan who Dr bius come brief&prepare me 4 bius) cold(HUKM air-con very low…I juz wear operation cloth..wear very few..huhu..then wait 1 hour lay at bed) nervous(becoz wait outside operation room) hungry(coz puasa since midnite,12am til 11am oli IN operation)….

During on the way IN…I repeat think I must ok..wake up..safe…keep think frenz..family face..

In the Operation room..wa..like seen in movie…that time there is no think, no scare…no shy..even I undergo left breast operation by male doctor…almost all men…haiz..that time juz hear Dr bius voice say “ breathe…see up…breathe..see up..repeat”…then can felt my half body been bius..no rasa..difficult breathe too….duno when I sleep..very fast..wake up…blur..blur..pain at left breast..then hear a nurse say “cik..pembedahan dah selesai..sekarang pindah ke wad rehat ya”…blur..blur..felt wan vomit…move myself(that time is 1.15pm)…wake up change cloth…then hav lunch…then felt headache..blur..next sleep again at rest place….til 4pm…chat with operation frenz..hehe later at 4.40pm my 2^nd sister came fetch me…

At home rest…been treat like queen…so touch so many ppl care me…my 1st sister buy food 4 me eat…my mum wash my hair..hehe..:)..but the not gd…almost food can not eat…juz can eat porridge…somemore fish porridge..i less eat fish…huhu can say dun like..hav to like aso…4^th day back UKM…lucky my 2^nd sister & her husband help me move all my stuff to room…That nite Shock…becoz..remove plaster at operation place….so terrible…see my operation place..still little bleeding…wa..lucky I no operate both breast…if not sure I weak totally…haha…

Tmrw (30 dec 08) start my study life back..after half year internship…face with blank brain…haha…no idea for final year project…still in honeymoon mood…hehe…

 Hope tmrw will make better me…^^

This year happen alot happy & sad stuff…

Happy:

a) Happy countdown 2008

b) Happy memory on cny…

c) Success Pesta Ullabana 2008

d) Happy 2gether with frenz..

e) Know alot new frenz..they really nice & good..:)

f) Getting close with family (especially my dad)

Sad Stuff:

a) Lost of 3 people that i loved..(uncle..teacher..brother)

Conclusion, there have reason behind of all the events…This was my growing lesson..Hope out there..my far far frenz..people around there dun felt down or life no colourful when face all the trouble & sad stuff..

Be accept & learn let all the “bad” throw away..fly away…jiayou ^.^

His face & memory..still fresh in my mind…huhu..tired..tired…cry..stop..cry..

stop..Sumtime push self busy…stop think him..but oli short period happy & brave..haiz..shit.

Sorry..my action so damn shit…dont wan ur soul peace…haiz…

Papa more action..”u” dont care him…papa just wan his life busy & slow leave u go…( I will take care of him..dun worry..)

Give me time…

I know “u” always there give me alot happy when i sad…(ThankQ alot frenz..with me along this time….I gain alot..after lost of u..)

Hope GoD arrange you good…

Hope GoD arrange me in right way…

06 Nov is your 14th days..Hope u peace..:) i will pray for u…must listen oh..